Not if I forgive but when I forgive
by Cid Dante
Summary: sequel to Not if I die, when I die Vincent's thoughts as he battles Hojo for the last time


Kinda a part two to not if I die, when I die.

Vincent's thoughts but as we know little of the guy's personality, this is what he could be thinking…

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I stand here, thinking about what I would say to you if I ever got the chance. If I ever got the chance to see the light of day again, to have the wind caress my cheek so gently like a lover's touch…whoa…where did that come from?

Rather poetic huh?

Standing in the icy cold rain, waiting for your next form to arrive. Watching as you change your disgusting form to something else. My heightened hearing catching every bone breakage and tendons rip from your form. See the sickening look from my two comrades as you fall to the metal decking of the wonder Shin-Ra creation, the Sister Ray.

Three sets of eyes gaze on you, two of blue and one of red. What do you see in them? Hmm? What do you see in the youngest of this trio? Anger? Revulsion or maybe he wants to be the one who deals the final blow to you?

I know he has a vendetta against you too. You sad little man, couldn't you leave life alone? You know what…I think I will let him.

You want me to end your life, complete that little ugly circle in your head but I'm not going to.

I wonder what the pilot is thinking, he stands near me. His shoulders rising and falling in rhythm, trying to catch his breath during this moment of eerie calm. He has no past with you…not one I can discern anyhow.

He's just playing the dutiful soldier in this, he's even more of an outsider in this than I am. Even more so as he has no history with the Shin-Ra, he cares not for the useless power struggle of the earth. His heart, like mind, belongs to the heavens.

I've had so many years to think of the perfect lines to say to you, so many minutes to practise them.

Years…days, hours, minutes and seconds. Thousands of them wasted in that coffin. That small wooden box that you placed me in oh so many years ago.

I recall the day that you first saw me, on the airship. I avoided eye contact with you on purpose. I didn't want to look at you, not through fear or nerves.

I didn't look at you because you are and were beneath me. You looked…old. Tired and worn out…

Oh…what do we have here?

I'm brought out of my thoughts as I hear Cid swear on your family name, all I hear is the tone, one of annoyance. I give him a one sided smile and load my gun with a fresh bullet.

A new creation Hojo? I can feel my demons inside me, itching for a chance to show you how grateful they are.

It has your eyes…that almost brings a smile to my lips. Have you finally changed into what many think you are.

Nah…the demon looks far to cool. It lacks your lack of creativity, it's not bland, boring and from the looks of it…should be a bit of a pain in the ass to kill.

Minutes pass and I watch as Cloud deals the fatal blow, pity. I was hoping to do that myself but…no matter. Watching the small blonde raise the sword which is a good few feet taller than him is always interesting, seeing him perform the Omnislash is awe inspiring…not that I would ever tell him. 

It's in that moment that I finally think of the perfect words to say to you.

I walk over to your dying carcass and see that you still draw breath. I can see your blackened blood drip over the metal decks and onto the street and stairs below. See the hate in your eyes as you release every breath.

Tenderly, I kneel beside you, ignoring any form of amazement from my fellow fighters. Ignoring Cid as he tells me that I'm two cans short of a six pack for going anywhere near you.

I can see the blood gurgle from your chest and mouth as you try to breath. See the hate in your eyes as I lift your head up, you look surprised.

You try and speak and I do try to listen but…nothing emerges from your lips. Not that I care.

No matter, at least this time you will listen to me. To weak to raise a gun and to far gone to utter any type of threat.

"I forgive you."

I laugh in your face as I see pure anger in your bloodshot eyes. I can almost hear your brain work over time to figure out why I do.

It's the only thing I can say which would piss you off and the one thing that you couldn't take off me because I do.

Strange, I actually do forgive you.

Huh…

Oh well. 


End file.
